So much has happened in these two years, The feelings of SHOCK, ANGER, FEAR, GUILT, GRIEF .. they are all still there but have just been pushed away , squashed down by feelings of HOPE, LOVE , AMAZEMENT, AWE, WONDER, JOY, i could go on and on the list is endless! We have the occasional bad day, when things just get a little too much but just one smile gets me grounded again and i realise just how far we have come and what could of been...
Cadon is almost 20 months, he continues to thrive and is developmentally on target for a little boy of his age other than walking, but we are working on that one with great enthusiasm and he is showing all the signs that he will be able to, just in his own time and on his own terms, see.. that's one thing having a child with spina bifida has taught us patience.. We have had the same reply said to us so many times by his team of doctors " we'll just have to wait and see" At first i found that so frustrating, my thirst for knowledge, the what if's, but's, could's should's were all met with that same answer. But now i'm o.k with it and am happy to just marvel at my son's accomplishments and determination to succeed.
Saturday 2 October 2010
OCTOBER, SPINA BIFIDA AWARENESS MONTH.
I have started and deleted this blog so many times, making my feelings public is so very alien to me as i am such a private person, but i feel it's so important to tell our story, to tell everyone about our very precious son Cadon.
So where do i begin?....
October 3rd 2008.
Our 20 week scan the day that changed our family forever.
We had dropped our two youngest children off at school and had to take our oldest with us as he had a staff training day, I remember joking in the car with my husband about finding out the sex of our new addition, my husband so eager, me wanting to wait for the surprise. The three of us laughing and joking as we entered the sonographers room, the warm feeling of jelly accross my very pregnant stomach and me telling the sonographer that she was on no uncertain terms not to give away the sex of our child. And then... that look on her face as she turned the screen away. I started to cry and then panic, as I realised my 12 year old son was in the room with us, he refused to leave the room because I was crying, so we all held hands as we were told about lemon's and banana's and open spine and oh it's a boy and termination. And then silence .. and a point blank refusal to give up on my son... ( another son, she'd told us!!!!) She then proceeded with wheelchairs, mental retardation, incontinence, surgeries, shunts, death etc ..... I'd already made up my mind i could feel him kicking, had seen his tiny heart beating he was mine.
So where do i begin?....
October 3rd 2008.
Our 20 week scan the day that changed our family forever.
We had dropped our two youngest children off at school and had to take our oldest with us as he had a staff training day, I remember joking in the car with my husband about finding out the sex of our new addition, my husband so eager, me wanting to wait for the surprise. The three of us laughing and joking as we entered the sonographers room, the warm feeling of jelly accross my very pregnant stomach and me telling the sonographer that she was on no uncertain terms not to give away the sex of our child. And then... that look on her face as she turned the screen away. I started to cry and then panic, as I realised my 12 year old son was in the room with us, he refused to leave the room because I was crying, so we all held hands as we were told about lemon's and banana's and open spine and oh it's a boy and termination. And then silence .. and a point blank refusal to give up on my son... ( another son, she'd told us!!!!) She then proceeded with wheelchairs, mental retardation, incontinence, surgeries, shunts, death etc ..... I'd already made up my mind i could feel him kicking, had seen his tiny heart beating he was mine.
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